Worst Kind of Addiction
by headup-gorgeous
Summary: There were times, more often then not, that Jacob Black wished he had never laid eyes on Bella Swan.. :Pre-Breaking Dawn jacob-centre drabble one-shot:


**Title: **Worst Kind of Addiction

**Rating:** PG-15

**Genre[s]:** drabble, angst, one-shot, character-centre

**Spoiler[s]:** Anything pre-**Breaking Dawn** is fair game.

**A.N:** Sorry, this is truly nothing more than a mind-less ramble in retaliation to how bad Jacob is treated in the **Twilight** novels.

Bella was the worst kind of addiction, one in which he wasn't sure there was any type of cure. And from what Jacob had seen of people with addictions, he knew that things never ended well, whether or not they got what they craved. And gods did Jacob crave Bella, every single thing about her just called to him. Under normal circumstances he could fight the urges, but other times, when every part of his body ached for her, he could not help and break his resolve and pull her close, run his fingers down her arms, press his nose into her hair and bask in everything that was Bella. Then for a short moment the animal inside of him was sated.

But as the distance between them was established once again and she was blushing and stuttering excuses, the urge was back, snapping its jaws at the gates of his self-control. Each time he gave in the addiction came back bigger and more rabid with its urges, wants and needs. Only then was he reminded of a certain fact that never ceased to make him howl.

She wasn't his. She belonged to that bloodsucker. Son-of-a-bitch!

It was bad enough that he knew that fact and had to live with it, seeing that every time he gave into his instincts she was embarrassed and recoiled from him, that she didn't feel the same way he did. He knew that the world was cruel, that more often than not you didn't get what you want. Growing up, he never thought that he would get everything he wanted. It seemed that he was i destined to be fate's personal punching bag, broken down with every blow only to be taped up for more. But goddamn it, all he wanted was Bella. Was that too much to ask?

_I had no idea that the night _

_Would take so damn long_

_Took it out, on the street_

_While the rain still falls_

_Push me back to you_

There were times, more often then not, that Jacob Black wished he had never laid eyes on Bella Swan: never saw her pale skin, warm chocolate eyes or long thick hair. Much like an alcoholic wished he never tasted their last drink or a compulsive gambler hadn't felt the roughened edge of poker chips or the slippery smooth surface of a deck of cards. And now all he was left with was this addiction, the knowledge that if he stayed the jealousy and need would eventually drive him insane against his chances of survival if he attempted to leave.

_Give it up, give it up baby_

_Give it up, give it up now_

So here he was stuck in limbo, torn between pride and love, wolf and humanity, all the while never feeling completely whole. Each of his forms giving and taking, neither of them wholly sane. Jacob the human aching for her soft soul and gentle heart while Jacob the wolf craved her as a mate and everything physical in-between. But neither of them was going to get her. To only be stuck with the memories of their summer together when he was young and naïve and human and the fantasies that she was his, that if he tried his best and loved her more then anything it would work and she would see, ,see that he loved her more than that bloodsucker ever could. How could she be with the vampire when he loved her with his whole heart? He could have given her a future, a real future growing old together and children.

But everything he had to give wasn't good enough, and the only thing he wished for when she ran off to save her bloodsucker was the strength to hate her, but fate would not even give him that and new this weakness was slowly killing him.

_All that I feel is the realness I'm faking_

_Taking my time, but it's time I'm wasting._

There was a time that he thought he could still have walked away from her and survived, when he could have moved on, had a life without Bella. He may not have been the happiest or had the most fulfilling future, but he could have carved out a small niche for himself, married a local girl and had a family. But then Edward left her just like he said that bloodsucker would and he had to save her all the while loving being the hero. For the first time Bella Swan needed him and wasn't afraid to show it. One dose and he was hooked: heroin straight from the tap on full, his own personal brand. Life was perfect, just him and her even if it was him slowing piecing her back together her heart and then the dream ended. But it was worst because this time she still needed him and he, like the heart-struck puppy, was helpless to resist. The masochist that ached to be but stayed by her side.

Now Jacob Black was anchored to Bella Swan, addicted and cursed at this point hoping that this time it did kill him.

_I always turn the car around._


End file.
